All Scripture quotations are taken from the New American Standard Bible 1995 Ed. (NASB95)

There are several common obstacles and enemies to the regular practice of genuine brotherly love between western Christians. In order to be as practical as possible, we’ll examine them one by one, and discover how they should be remedied for the abundant community that the Lord has outlined in the Scriptures. In my judgment, there are at least five major ones that prevent many of us from consistently treating the brethren in our fellowships as our true brothers and sisters. I’ve noted:

1) geographical distance, 2) divided interests, 3) self-absorption, 4) laziness, and 5) hypocrisy.

    The most obvious of all these obstacles to our familial unity and love is our distance from each other. In most American evangelical assemblies, at least half – and often more than half – of the believing attenders travel great distances from each other to meet at the weekly gathering. This means that for most of them, they aren’t having face-to-face interactions throughout the week. This has come to be viewed as necessary and unimportant, but the New Testament would argue against this. According to the account given of the first assembly in Jerusalem, they were

    “. . . breaking bread from house to house, [and] they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people” (Acts 2:46b-47a).

    And aside from this specific Scriptural evidence, a basic knowledge of the cities and towns in the Roman Empire tells us that even the non-Christian communities were tight-knit and familiar with each other. Why? Because their homes were near each other. Hence, it was common in the 1st century for members of the same assembly to also live in the same neighborhood. We must remember that for believers at the time, they had to walk to their weekly gatherings.

    Since the first believers lived close to each other, they had ample opportunities to interact with each other throughout the week. And since to become a Christian in that culture was to alienate yourself from the prevailing pagan or Jewish culture around you (two sides of the same coin), the only vital bond they could have with people outside their households was with other believers. This meant going to each other when they were in need; visiting their brethren who were sick; meeting together in their homes to share meals; helping each other with their businesses, and so on. Hence, it wasn’t just at the weekly meeting that they were in fellowship with each other, but on a regular basis. They didn’t just share an assembly with each other, but shared their lives. And they were able to do this easily because they lived so close to each other. True communities and partners usually don’t just share in things on one day each week, but on a more continual basis. Based on these arguments, if you meet with an assembly in which most of the members live far from you, you should soberly consider finding an assembly with members that are closer by.

    In keeping with the problem of believers living so far away from each other is the other issue of having divided interests. What I mean by this is that most western believers view their occupations, goals, and routines as merely belonging to themselves and their households, and not being valuable outworkings of the life of the whole assembly. Rather than considering our individual pursuits as belonging to the whole community, we tend to treat them solely as our and our households’ business. To be more concrete, how much of a vested interest do you have in the occupations, rituals, and regular activities that members of other households in your assembly engage in? If you’re honest, you’ll have to confess that you have little to no deep concern about the routine endeavors of other households in your assembly. How often do you even pray for your brethren’s family life, jobs, businesses, and service efforts? And yet we’re obligated to be devoted to prayer for each other “with all perseverance and petition for all the saints” (Eph. 6:18b, emphasis mine). If we truly care for each other, why would we neglect to help our siblings with their routine employments? Our lack of engagement in each other’s lives is a clear violation of Paul’s instruction to “. . . not look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Phil. 2:4).

    This insipid individualism and isolationism is both a source and a symptom of habitual self-absorption in most western believers. Most of us are far too focused on our own goals, jobs, leisure activities, comforts, and needs, at the expense of our closest brethren. But if we’re truly one body, with each of us being an essential part, we ought to be thinking about and seeking ways to help our closest brethren on a daily basis. Such others-centered thinking, of course, will only be possible if we engender the kind of spiritual perception of our brethren that I’ve previously elaborated on. That is, we need to actively think every day about ourselves and our lives in connection with our closest brethren that are living their lives elsewhere. The key discipline to this kind of thinking is devoting ourselves to intercession for them. We need to daily remember them in our prayers, just as Paul so often expresses in the beginning of his letters.

    Another enemy to our outworking of brotherly love is just plain laziness. It’s easy to focus on yourself and your own household’s affairs. It’s often unnatural and inconvenient to be thinking about our brethren elsewhere, and especially about how we can deliberately reach out to them in helpfulness. However, we must guard against any temptation to laziness in our lives, reminding ourselves daily that we have both a responsibility and privilege to be an essential part of the Lord’s body.

    A fifth and final hindrance to our genuine display of brotherly love for each other is hypocrisy, or pretending to be someone we’re not. Too often, we put on a more positive persona than what really reflects the condition of our hearts. How often, just so you wouldn’t bother your brother or sister, have you effectively told them that all was well with your life, even though something was really bothering you? Although we may justify this deceptive behavior with the excuse that we’re saving them the trouble of thinking of our pain, we’re really manifesting a deceptive pride and selfishness. If they’re our brother or sister in Jesus, then it’s their privilege and duty to “bear” our burden, to encourage us, and to offer a word of counsel or correction. How can they meet our spiritual need if they don’t know what our problems are?

    The tendency to falsehood and hypocrisy is so natural and subtle that the New Testament authors took great pains to warn their audiences to guard against falling into pretending things about themselves before their brethren. Just take a look at a sampling of this recurring theme when the apostles deal with Christian relationships:

    “Let love be without hypocrisy . . .” – Romans 12:9

    “Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE of you WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another.” – Ephesians 4:25

    “Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander . . .”

    -1 Peter 2:1

    There in 1 Peter, Peter soon goes on to describe the body of Jesus as a priesthood that is offering spiritual sacrifices to God, as they build one another up, and then ends the main section of the letter by urging them to unified.

    But also think about what Paul is saying in Ephesians 4. In order be truthful with our brethren, we first need to “take off” falsehood, or deceit. This means our true personality and condition must be laid bare before our brethren, so they’re interacting with our true self, not a caricature, or the ideal version of us, as comfortable as that may be. What Paul is basically saying is to be honest and open with each other, so we’ll be able to know what to say to each other, and in general how to treat our brother. The brotherly honesty we must have with each other goes so far as to demand us to, as James urges, “confess [our] sins to one another” (Jas. 5:16). And why? So that “you may be healed” (v. 16).

    To recap, five of the most prevalent barriers and sins that stand in the way of heartily loving our brethren like our spiritual siblings are distance from each other, divided interests, self-absorption, laziness, and hypocrisy. It’s our responsibility as parts of the Lord’s precious body, and of God’s family, to endeavor to stay in close, regular contact with our closest brethren; to view their interests as our own, and ours as theirs; to find ways of working together in our individual responsibilities and occupations; to be fervent, zealous, and diligent in our concern for, and care of, them; and to lay bare our hearts to them, so they know who we are, and what we’re experiencing. As a final application of our truthfulness with each other, if we really care for each other as siblings, then we must be willing to speak hard truths, to confront sin, to give warnings of dangers, and to simply tell our brethren that they need to stop doing bad things, regardless of the discomfort or retaliation from them.

    So, what place do theses hindrances have in your life, and what do you need to do today to remove them, so you can more faithfully and affectionately devote yourself to your brethren’s good?