All Scripture quotations are taken from the New American Standard Bible 1995 Ed. (NASB95), published by The Lockman Foundation

In a society that can’t openly discuss disagreements without tearing each other part, believers in the Lord Jesus ought to be a shining example of lovingly and humbly disagreeing with one another, to the benefit of all involved. And there’s certainly much that we disagree on. But the problem is, too many of us are either afraid of, or unconcerned with, bringing up our disagreements. This is one of the most disabling problems among western believers. We don’t want to discuss our differences, and when we do, we often act very much like the world. However, we ought to have the most effective, and loving, disagreements on earth.

There are three important considerations in this matter of disagreements over non-essential teachings and practices of the faith. First, whether we like it or not (and we ought to rejoice at this), no matter our outward, non-essential, or trivial differences, we are united in Christ. According to Paul the apostle,

“There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all . . .” (Eph. 4:4-6a)

All Christians can agree on these seven essentials of the faith (with reference to their spiritual meanings, including “baptism”). Anyone who has true faith in the one Lord Jesus Christ is in the one body of Christ, and as such, united to every other member of the body. This transcends denominational affiliations, cultural backgrounds, theological differences, church practices, and so on. So, we must recognize, and be certain, that our brethren with whom we disagree are our brethren in Christ.

The second consideration we must make is that we are going to disagree. Even the congregations that were established by apostles disagreed with one another, such as the Romans (chs. 14-15), the Corinthians (ch. 10), and the Philippians (ch. 4). If they disagreed with one another, should we expect ourselves, in our more fragmented and distinct societies and groups, to disagree less? The question isn’t, are we going to disagree, but how are we going to disagree?

And that leads us to the last main principle in our discussion. This truth is that we must disagree, and discuss our disagreements, if we’re going to fulfill the Lord’s goal for His people on this earth. And what is that goal? Paul describes it in his letter to the Ephesians like this:

“[Christ gave teachers] for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man . . .” (Eph. 4:12-13a)

So, what is “the unity of the faith?” It’s the unity of all believers on earth in their faith in the Lord Jesus, and in His teachings. Obviously, we’ve yet to reach this goal. That’s why we believers in Christ must work together to grow in our faith in, and knowledge of, the Lord. And the only way we can do that is if we love one another, devote ourselves to one another, and discuss our differences with one another along with the Scriptures upon which we base those beliefs.

But how exactly is this to be done? First, by accepting our responsibilities to one another. Secondly, by cultivating genuine concern and affection for one another. Third, by endeavoring to understand our doctrinal differences, and why we hold to them. Finally, we must humbly, gently, and diligently compare our differences to God’s Word together. To these steps, as they’re taught by the apostles, we’ll now turn.

Devoted to Our Goal for Our Brethren

The most basic aim that all Christians should have in their relationships with their brethren is classically expressed in one of the instructions of the Lord in His great commission to His eleven apostles in the Gospel of Matthew. After commanding them to “go . . . and make disciples of all the nations [by] baptizing them . . .,” He concludes His instructions by saying they must be in the business of “teaching them to observe all that I commanded you . . .” (Mt. 28:19-20). And this fundamental duty of Christian leaders is also applicable to a lesser, informal, degree, to all followers of Jesus. All of us are responsible to help our brethren to “observe” all that the Lord commanded His apostles to obey, which commands they delivered to us in the New Testament.

And notice that the goal isn’t simple obedience, but comprehensive obedience of all that the Lord commanded. Therefore, the goal is full, complete, and mature obedience to the Lord, resulting in mature imitation of Him. This implication is why Paul declared in Ephesians 4 that the end goal of all the body’s service of one another is “the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man” (Eph. 4:13). If Christ’s body on earth is united in faith and knowledge of Him, then it will be a mature man, or an adult man. That is to say, when Christ’s assembly [aka. “church”] reaches unity in faith, then they will be complete, and all of the members will be mature in faith and knowledge of Jesus. This is the end toward which all Christians should strive in their relationships with their brethren.

But how is this to be accomplished? Paul goes on in Ephesians 4 to say that saints ought to be “speaking the truth in love . . . to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head” (Eph. 4:15). So, returning to the topic of this article, the only way maturity of the assembly will be reached, through its unity, is if we speak the truth to one another in love, or out of love.

And how do we prepare ourselves to be truthful to one another? The author of Hebrews explains it by calling his audience to “consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds” (Heb. 10:24). So, such discipleship and encouragement must be considered before opportunities come by considering brethren with love, concern, and diligence. The goal, again, is “to stimulate one another to love and good deeds.” In other words, we’re to understand how best, and be eager to, urge our brethren to be more loving, and to be more diligent in doing good.

Paul puts this responsibility succinctly to the Thessalonian assembly in his first letter to them in commanding them to “encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing” (1 Thess. 5:11). Alluding to the imagery of Christ’s body as a temple of God, Paul here says that the primary way in which believers “build up one another” is by encouraging one another. In what direction are we to encourage one another? In the direction of greater conformity to Christ’s character. And this will require disagreement in our modern-day situation, but disagreement motivated by love.

Devoted to Our Brethren Out of Love

Before we start discussing disagreements with our brethren, we must have love for them. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13, without love, any gift, ability, or service is of no eternal value in the Lord’s sight. So, it’s good to regularly remind ourselves of the reasonableness of our love for another, and of the ways in which we ought to love our brethren. It begins, of course, with the Lord’s love for all of us in Christ. Jesus made this clear when He first gave His greatest instruction to His apostles, which is recorded in the Gospel of John like this:

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” (Jn. 13:34)

Here, the explanation of the command is key. The Lord wants us to love one another just as He loved us. And how did He love us? As John says in his first letter, He did so by “laying down His life for us” (1 Jn. 3:16). So too, “we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren” (v. 16).

But how do we do this? First of all, Paul says that we must “be devoted to one another in brotherly love” (Ro. 12:10). Notice this isn’t just any type of love, but brotherly love. In other words, we must not only love one another, but love one another with the same devotion and affection that brothers and sisters naturally have for each another. Why? Because we’re all God’s children in Christ!

Secondly, such love should be expressed, and cultivated. Peter the apostle urges this when he gives this command to the assemblies under his care:

“. . . fervently love one another from the heart . . .” (1 Pe. 1:22b)

So, in addition to being devoted to one another in the same way that natural siblings are, we ought to have a passion for one another’s good that is heartfelt. It’s only when we’re truly motivated by genuine and brotherly care and concern for our brethren that we’ll be able to disagree with them with the most profit. Nevertheless, we still need instruction on how to disagree with one another, for which Paul gives us ample food to digest.

Disagree Humbly, Patiently, and Wisely

As mentioned before, there’s ample evidence that the early Christians during the apostles’ time often disagreed with one another. One of the greatest examples of this is the fact that Paul anticipated disagreements when he began his practical instructions for the Ephesian assembly in the fourth chapter. After giving a general order for a lifestyle that’s worthy of the Christian’s calling, he continued by instructing,

“. . . with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love.” (Eph. 4:2)

The last part is what is most pertinent to our discussion. Paul commanded them to show tolerance for one another. Tolerance of what? Of blatant and unrepentant sin? Of course not! But they were to tolerate not only one another’s minor faults and weaknesses, but also their preferences, and differing convictions. And Paul clearly details how we can do this as Christians. It starts with “all humility,” or seeing yourself as you truly are in relationship to others. This means that you recognize that you’re no better than any other believer, and that you need your brethren in Christ.

The two other behaviors logically follow from humility. If you’re humble, then you can be gentle and patient. “Gentleness” refers to careful, and caring, response to others’ possible annoyances and offenses. But patience, which is even more important, means to steadfastly and peaceably put up with others’ faults and offenses. However, such humble, gentle, and patient tolerance should only be given “in love”, as we’ve seen.

The aim of such humble behaviors toward our brethren is given by Paul in the next verse, which reads, “. . . being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:3). In this instruction is the key to having effective disagreements among Christ’s body. Even when we’re disagreeing with each other, we ought to be careful to be peaceable toward our brethren, so that we’ll “preserve” the unity that we have from the Holy Spirit. The goals of our disagreements should never be disunity, but stronger unity.

This eagerness for unity is why Paul wrote lengthy instructions to the Christians at Rome about their obligated acceptance of their differing brethren. The controversial issue that he addresses in Romans 14-15 is that of differing consciences with regards to eating sacrificial offerings to idols. However, the main principle that Paul is teaching can be applied to any matter of disagreement among God’s children. Paul begins this passage like this:

“Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions. One person has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only. The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat is not to judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.” (Ro. 14:1-4)

By referring to a brother “weak in faith,” Paul is implying that such a person is being misinformed by his conscience, and therefore has a deficient conscience. So, in disagreements among the assembly, at least one person is going to be wrong, and oftentimes there is a Christian who has the right view of the issue. Yet, even if a believer knows that he’s right based on Scripture, Paul commanded the Romans to “accept the one who is weak in faith.” Moreover, he prohibits the Romans from “passing judgment on his opinions,” or from condemning his opinions as sinful.

What Paul isn’t saying is that these matters can’t be discussed, but that they shouldn’t be a cause of arrogance, condemnation, or fighting. The way we can know this is because he cautions both parties in verse 3 – “the one who does not eat,” and “the one who eats.” The person who eats anything isn’t to despise his brother with a weak conscience, but also the weaker brother only eats some things must not judge his brother with a strong conscience. So, Paul’s not giving the weaker Christian a pass, but holding him to the same standard as the brother with a stronger faith. What is that standard? The obligation to accept one another as equal brothers or sisters in Christ, and as part of the same body. Thus, condemnation is out of the question when brethren disagree, but rather acceptance and love should be pursued. Nevertheless, Paul leaves room for discussion on the disagreement, since throughout chapters 14-15, he says multiple times that the one with a weaker conscience is objectively wrong in their opinion. At the same, however, he calls for acceptance, and giving such brethren room to grow in their understanding.

This sort of acceptance and tolerance is further highlighted in some of Paul’s final exhortations for the Thessalonian assembly in his first letter to them, calling them to,

“. . . admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” (1 Thess. 5:14)

In these instructions, the general principle of encouragement and patience is illustrated. Those who are “unruly,” or “undisciplined” are to be confronted and warned. There could be strong disagreements there, albeit on essential matters of Christian living! Second, those who are discouraged, or spiritually weary, should be encouraged. Third, those who are primarily physically weak should be “helped,” or aided with their needs. But most importantly, all these needy believers need to be shown “patience.” In any disagreement among the brethren, this is a paramount ingredient to fruitful discussion. Brethren often don’t change their minds about their views of biblical teachings the first time around, but require multiple discussions and studies of God’s Word.

One prime example from the New Testament of a disagreement that wasn’t peaceable was that between two women in the Philippian assembly. Paul briefly addresses it by giving these commands:

“I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to live in harmony in the Lord. Indeed, true companion, I ask you also to help these women . . .” (Php. 4:2-3a)

Clearly, these sisters had had a disagreement, but they failed to strive for unity with one another in spite of it. They had let the disagreement be a cause of strife between them, and so Paul asked a brother to help them settle their differences. Disagreements between brethren should never come to that point. While disagreeing with one another, we should always remember that we’re talking to our brother or sister, and that the goal of our relationship is to build up one another, and to help one another become more like Jesus.

Determine that Your Disagreement is Worth It

Before concluding, I want to provide a word of caution. While it’s good to have loving, humble, and constructive disagreements, there’s a grave danger of discussing doctrinal differences that will be of no benefit to the person who holds the unbiblical position. The chief type of this danger is the danger of discussing non-essential doctrines with someone who claims to be a Christian, but really doesn’t have trusting faith in the Lord Jesus. Thus, it’s essential when discussing doctrinal differences that you make sure your opponent indeed confesses the New Testament gospel of Christ.

Just as an overview and refresher, there are several truths that one must believe in order to be a child of God:

  1. That we’re conceived evil rebels against our Creator, and under His just condemnation, wrath, and judgment, to be fully executed through eternal suffering apart from anything good.
  2. That God sent His divine Son to become the man Jesus of Nazareth, to live the perfect life, and to suffer the worst criminal’s death possible, in order to experience God’s wrath, hatred, and condemnation in the place of sinners.
  3. That God raised Jesus from the dead, and took Him into heaven as the only Man able to give us God’s peace, forgiveness, and blessing based on His death for our sins.
  4. That God only wholly forgives those who put their trust wholly in Jesus to save them from their evil and guilt, based on His atoning death and presence before God, and thenceforth treats them as innocent and holy, and adopts them into His family.
  5. That God will judge all people through Jesus, granting entrance into heaven to those who have trust in Jesus, and sentencing those without true trust in Him to eternal damnation.

Endeavor to Discuss Disagreements on Non-Essential Doctrines

As noted at the beginning, one of the biggest problems among atleast western believers, especially in the US, is that we have an unhealthy fear or ignorance of discussing our doctrinal differences together. However, knowing that all believers have yet to arrive at a full understanding of the apostles’ teaching, we’ll get no further along in advancing our faith and practice if we neglect the study and discussion of why we disagree, and Scripture’s teaching on those subjects. We ought to heed the truth of Proverbs 27:17, which says, “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” What’s often overlooked from this verse is the fact that, in order for iron to sharpen iron, the two pieces must grind together, removing rough spots through friction. Therefore, what this proverb is implying is that often the best way for men to ”sharpen” one another is by “rubbing each other the wrong way.” This clearly could take the form of disagreements.

So, for you brother or sister who, after humble, careful, prayerful, and diligent study or learning, has been convinced that Scripture clearly teaches something — with no Scriptures contradicting you’re view — then you have the liberty and the responsibility to discuss such an issue with a brother/sister who disagrees with you. With wisdom, gentleness, reasonableness, and tact, of course. We see an example of such a discussion in Luke’s account of Apollos, Priscilla, and Aquila in Acts 18:25-26:

“This man [Apollos] had been instructed in the way of the Lord; and being fervent in spirit, he was speaking and teaching accurately the things concerning Jesus, being acquainted only with the baptism of John; and he began to speak out boldly in the synagogue. But when Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they took him aside and explained the way of God more accurately.”

In this situation, Apollos was actually wrong in his view of the gospel, and yet he clearly was a believer. Thus, when the godly couple heard him teach the gospel as if it was John the baptizer’s gospel, they took him aside and “explained to him the way of God more accurately.” Although not a direct disagreement, Apollos still had a different view of the gospel, and so Priscilla and Aquila were kind enough to confront him, and fill him in on what they had learned from Paul. If we’re in such a position, we ought to point out our brother’s misunderstanding, and attempt to explain how Scripture teaches otherwise.

But if you, brother or sister, have a disagreement with one of your brethren on a doctrine or teaching, and you can’t support your view from multiple Scriptures from different contexts, why haven’t you searched Scripture on the subject? Paul has a word for you, which he gave to the Thessalonian assembly in their first letter:

“. . . do not despise prophetic utterances. But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good . . .” (1 Thess. 5:20-21)

If your brother or sister is clearly showing you that Scripture teaches their view of a doctrine, then “do not despise” such “prophecy.” Instead, follow Paul’s instruction to “examine everything,” and to “hold fast to that which is good” (v. 21). And how are we to examine every “prophecy,” or literally “forthtelling,” that we learn? With Scripture, of course. If you haven’t prayerfully and thoroughly examined a brother’s view with which you disagree in the light of multiple Scriptures, or aren’t fully convinced that those Scriptures teach your position, then you have no reason to conclude that he’s wrong on that issue.

Again, I want to emphasize that our doctrinal disagreements are to be settled by Scripture, and Scripture alone. We can look at other sources of truth, but if our efforts at examining each other’s interpretations don’t mainly consist of studying Scripture on its own terms, then we’ve failed to follow the teaching and example of Jesus, the apostles, and the first believers. We must remember that it’s not our tradition, our thinking, or our everyday teachers that should determine our beliefs, but the teachings of Scripture as taught by the apostles. Like the first assembly in Jerusalem, we ought to “continually [be] devoting [ourselves] to the apostles’ teaching” (Acts 2:42). And as Paul charged Timothy, you ought to,

“Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth.” (2 Ti. 2:15)

It’s only when disagreeing brothers and sisters come together to do these things that we’ll see more understanding of Scripture, more love for the Word, more love for our differing brethren, and more agreement on doctrines as we all learn that we didn’t understand as much as we once thought we did. Since we all have the Holy Spirit, He’ll be faithful to teach us the truth if we humbly, lovingly, hungrily, and diligently seek that truth from Scripture, and seek to show it to our brethren in Christ. Therefore, strive to lovingly disagree toward Christian unity!